So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We talked him into tasing himself.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
