I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
