I faked an abortion last night.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
