I think im going to throw up on grandma
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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