Only a mothe r could love this liver
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
