Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
