This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
