My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
organizing the empties. That sober.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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