Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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