I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize