Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
