i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
