i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
should my penis look like a turkey
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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