drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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