I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
