my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
