just come out here and I will go home with you...
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
