You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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