you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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