There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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