Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
not ubering you a puppy
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
