Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
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