In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
