I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
