If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
