I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
