you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
