i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Are my feet made of real feet?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
