No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
