How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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