i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
