I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
