I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
