I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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