she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize