ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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