So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize