I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
