On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
