His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
