What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
