I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
