I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
