OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i wish my penis had a tongue
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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