i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
