I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
being pregnant is like rehab
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
