just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
