K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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