Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
