god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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