So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
