I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
