So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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