Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
