Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
