Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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