My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i would one night stand the shit outta him
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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