Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
