remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
