finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize