sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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