what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
