so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
