We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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