My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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