I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
