I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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