Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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