some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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