I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
