I just saw a hot homeless man
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
