I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
