so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
