when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
