i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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