; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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