theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
