I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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