hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
