did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
