I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
