That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
