The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
