How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
