When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize