i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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