i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
