I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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