If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
