I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
