I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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