My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
