Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
