Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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