I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
