dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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