Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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