cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
