Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
this just has baby written all over it
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She tied me up with her honor cords...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
