Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You can't just leave with hair like that
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
