If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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