I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
