that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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