I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
